It's all a bit blurry now, I was crying so hard, but I remember feeling like the worst person on the Earth. Wishing I didn't have to go through this horrific experience, wishing I could just see my friends again, wishing I didn't have to deal with a pic-line in my arm, wishing a second transplant was just completely out of the question, thinking I was actually in a never ending nightmare... My reality.
My mind was so confused and messed with, I didn't want to believe I was the girl chosen to go through this. Doctors appointments every week with my nurse practitioner, blood draws more than once a week, 24/7 pic-line, and the cardiac floor at Denver Children's Hospital was my home away from RMH. I tried to look on the bright side, but there's only so many positive thoughts you can think of, when you're still living off your second failing heart. I felt like my life was hopeless and I would stay depressed until I could move with my life, which seemed impossible at the moment. My goals and aspirations seemed pointless until I was back to where I belong, in AZ.
Along with my emotions spiraling down a bottomless pit, I also felt EXTREMELY homesick. I haven't seen my friends, my dog, my cat, and my family since April (it's now June). Surprisingly I missed middle school, and absolutely hated the fact that I missed the first day of eighth grade. Eighth grade was supposed to be my year to feel superior from everyone else in the school, for I am moving on to high school and will soon be back to the starting line as a pathetic freshman.
After ranting on, and on to my dad, how I wish my life ended up differently, if only I was normal. I finally chillaxed by eating chocolate ice cream till 11pm, and watching Harry Potter until I fell asleep. Waking up to find myself STILL waiting at the RMH!
Please appreciate your life! You never realize how good you have it until it collapses right in front of your eyes. Spend as much time with your friends and family and this really has nothing do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anyone... Especially when you're as orange as me. (Fricken Golf. Thank You Sunshine.)
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