Thursday, April 25, 2013

My Modeling Dilemma: The Final Chapter

At the beginning of every year, I like to list new goals and aspirations for the new year. So traditionally, I did so to begin off 2013. One of my goals was to "Become a Model". I'm tall, I'm slender, pretty photogenic and almost everyone I know suggested it to me so I was confident I would be successful in this area. On the other hand, modeling is a very superficial industry and I am the least superficial person. I'm very caring and empathetic towards other people and most of the time I put my friends and family before myself (most of the time ;). I'm comfortable with the way I look but my self esteem can fluctuate by simple comments.

In the end of January, I went to my first modeling interview with a local agency. Without getting too far into detail, I'll just say it was very hypercritical and by the end I was ready to hide under the covers and cry. The only thing I learned out of this interview is how much I really DO NOT want to model. Sure, it would be fabulous to be fashionable all the time and somehow bring awareness towards organ donation and heart disease but on the flip side, I would also be under graded all the time and I would never feel good enough.

I just bragged about how comfortable I am in my own skin. It sounds a bit hypocritical of me to say that when I hardly leave the house not wearing makeup. I can change myself but I can't change how evilly judgmental the outside world is. Modeling just takes judgment to a whole new level and I rather be happy to be who I am than be degraded all the time.

A couple weeks after the interview I had an idea to revolutionize the modeling industry by giving everyone a chance, including the underdog's, to become a model by creating my own modeling agency. Unlike, your everyday fashion magazine it would focus more on awareness campaign's that deserve its lime light. However, I'm sixteen and I know absolutely nothing about the industry or how to even run an agency. It's a good idea but I'm not interested in running my own business. If it's still something I wish to achieve,  maybe in the far future.

I have now come to my final conclusion:

I'm sure if I was persistent and had enough ambition towards modeling, I would be successful in the field. However, modeling just isn't what I want to pursue in, not to mention it's the complete opposite of who I am.    There's a reason I go to a technical school dissecting brains and not an acting school strutting the runway. I rather pursue as a nurse than a model and to be honest, I have more respect for the ladies in scrubs than the ladies in heels.

Besides, I don't need 6 in. heels to be an individualist. My scar gives me enough individuality.

Guess I'll just be a self employed narcissist, oh well.
I love it when my scar is visible in pictures :)


  1. Love your posts!!

    They are stunning and beautiful .....

    As a heart transplant patient I too am PROUD of my scar .... a friend of mine likes o use my quote - “My life is not defined by the scar on my chest. That scar is a living legacy to the hero that saved my life!!”

    I wish you well ~ DAP

  2. your blog is amazing! and you are awesome person. you really inspire me because i have CHD too. i wish all the best for you. :)

    + i am very sorry about my bad English, i am from Finland.