My Modeling Dilemma

Since sophomore year, I've had a lot of people suggest modeling to me since I'm your typical tall, slender girl. When the idea was new to me I would just deny whatever anybody told me because I didn't think I was exactly modeling material.

Those girls you see walking down the runway are flawless (Regina George flawless, I hear her hair is insured for $10,000) and I wasn't exactly comfortable in my own skin. In the summer between freshman and sophomore year I was sick of being undermined from other girls because I wasn't as pretty, as outgoing or as confident. So I got a new look, chopped off my long hair to my shoulders, learned the basics or makeup, used my savings to buy a new wardrobe and I made a vow to myself to be outgoing and meet new people for the new school year.

 

I'm now that concept called confident and 5.9, 119 lbs, a 25 in.waist and perfectly content as myself. I finally decided to go for it and begin the introduction process with agencies. My first meeting with an agency was last Monday.
After a little intell on the agency I was able to interview with the director. I anticipated some critics but let me tell you, this guy was hypercritical. Basically, he told me I need whiter teeth, a clearer face, I need to dye my hair to one solid color and to make it big my proportions are one inch too big (Preferable a 10 in. difference: 24 in. waist x 34 in. hip when I have a 25 in. waist x 35 in. hip). According to them, I'm 5.8 so I also barely make the height requirements. I'm just thinking to myself, "Okay, it's not like I get my height measured at a cardiology office every three months verifying I'm 5.9 1/2."

He was so incredibly nit picky but nothing he said pissed me off more than when he told me to "cover that up" pertaining to my scar. Reality check,  it's just dead skin cells not an alien probe bulging out of my chest. By the end of the interview, I was ready to crawl in my bed, hide under the covers and cry.

I get it, these are not your standards or your perception on acceptable exposure; it's the clients. However, a scar represents disposition, originality and tells a story, especially a sublimity scar like mine. By telling me to cover up my scar is like telling me to put a paper bag over my head which is pretty much how I feel after individually listing each insecurity of mine.

After that little adventure, my idea of modeling was completely intercepted and I was doubting whether I still wanted to become one if I was just going to be downgraded from here on and not be accepted as something beautiful due to my more unique qualities. Although, I think someone like me as a model would be even more of an accomplishment because I'm not just another flawless face, perfect body clone. I have an oddity that no one else in the industry has because it was disregarded as a flaw and as a whole labeled as flawed. I see my scar as an advantage because I can offer something daring and new. For example, you flip through a magazine and all you see are beautiful, skinny girls and that's all their characterized as. I don't want to be characterized, I want to be a character. Something people will look at and not feel below standards next to this nonexistent beauty. I want to be a model for one purpose; to show people like me that they have a chance in this twisted industry.

My dilemma being, many agencies are like the one I visited so not only will it be difficult just to sign a contract but it will be even more difficult to be offered modeling jobs. I'm not going to give up only after one demeaning agency but after going through all in state agencies, maybe my fate is just to be a med student and so on and so forth from there.

Probably should start on that homework I've been procrastinating on, till next time peaches!