Saturday, July 2, 2011

Punching a Nurse

There are so many times I had the urge to smash a nurses face in. Like when they wake me up at three in the morning to ask me if they can take my blood pressure once again? Do I have a choice, I think not! Or when they  failed the first five times when placing an ivy into my arm! Or when they give me whole milk instead a 2% like requested. Sometimes they would sneak up on me and place a thermometer in my ear unexpectedly! Oh thanks for the warning, it's not like that's even remotely creepy!

I'm too polite to strangle a nurse in real life. I would flip them off or just immaturely stick my tongue at them when their not looking instead. I guess when I'm not conscious I literally can't control myself! When I was unconscious for a week I had a nurse who would talk to me in a baby voice. Like the voice you would talk in when you're addressing a dog.

Sane Regular Woman:
"Your such a good dog! Who's a good doggy!? Your a good doggy! WANNA A TREAT?? "

Petite Insane Medical Professional
"Oh who's a good patient! Your MY good patient! Wanna an ivy? Who wants to draw some blood!?? SHELBY DOES!"

So you could see how this would annoy anyone! Even though I wasn't awake it's not like the words flew over my skull. I guess I could still process what she was saying to me and how I felt about it. My reaction was no longer under my control once she leaned over me to fuss with the monitor. I lazily slopped my arm over and attempted to punch her in the face. I didn't miss her face but it's not like I left a black eye afterward. My parents told me it was more of a slap, but I'm satisfied with anything as long as she felt the need to leave the room. My parents tried to avoid her as many times as possible because apparently I wasn't the only one annoyed by her.

Even though my nurses can annoy the hell out of me sometimes, they have saved my life multiple times. So in that case I give all my past nurses props for cleaning the bed pans/ throw up bowls, the constant sponge baths throughout their day, and dealing with squirmy, screaming kids ALL THE TIME! I hope to become the same profession in the future, and I probably won't expect the massive amount of poop cleaned each day. Haha, okay that was too much information, but I'm glad I was able to give you the-that's-disgusting-smirk upon your face(unless your just laughing at me).

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